As I write this, I'm having a really hard time remembering specific details, dates, and other info that might make this story make more sense, but I'll share this with you anyway.
It was the summer of 2018 and my family was preparing to go on there annual camping trip. I had joined them for the whole trip in previous years, but this year, the plan was to drive down and join them for a day or so.
This was a very weird time in my life, I had just finished my first year at University (I knew it would be my last, at least for now), and I had just begun writing my first book, "A Letter to My Father: What Your Son Wants to Tell You but Doesn't", which by the way is set to be launched in November. (Learn more here)
It was a transitional period of my life, more so then I had realized then. My mom had went in for a couple tests a little while back and was waiting to hear back for the results. As packing began, I could tell something was up.
At this point, my memory is very foggy, but what I do remember is my parents sitting the older kids down (I have 7 siblings) and telling us that mom had breast cancer.
This isn't real. People get cancer in movies. Nope, this can't be right. How could my mom get cancer... no, this is not real.
I was holding back tears, I knew if I started to cry I wouldn't stop. This moment felt like it mirrored the moment when she told me my great-grandma was going to pass away, I was a young kid at that point and tears flowed easily. As a 19 year old, I couldn't old them back.
My family still went on there camping trip, no use cancelling when moms treatment would have not begun yet anyway. I remember, when I was home alone as they were gone, hearing podcasts, movies, and TV shows say or talk about anything to do with mothers, I burst into tears.
I needed my mom.
As the weeks and months carried on, my mother began cancer treatments. These treatments were grueling and draining.
For the last 24 years. my mom was a homeschooling wizard as she raised us 8 kids and taught us, but it was immediately apparent, that this was way too much to ask someone undergoing the treatments she was.
We had many conversations about what the next year would look like, but at least on the schooling front, my older sister and I were going to be our younger siblings substitute teachers for the next bit. I also started make consistent content on YouTube and this website, which was one of my man goals after leaving university.
As the school year began, I stepped into my calling for this next season of life. During this time, I would remember back to what my life had looked like the year before, the plans I had, but I prayed that God would use this time for good.
I would spend in the mornings doing school with my little sisters, math, science, reading, tea parties, it was such a unique time in my life. Throughout this, my mom would take many trips to the hospital for treatment and it was so hard to see the effect it was having on her.
To be honest, it's hard to pick out specific stories from this time, it's just kind of a blur at this point, but I do remember how hard it was on my faith, I would catch myself feeling like I could tell God what he had to do.
I wanted to believe that God had a purpose, but it was a struggle. I've come to find out that some seasons are just about holding on. There will be questions. There will be doubts.
As the treatments progressed, we found out they were working. God was healing my mom.
And to make a long story short, today my mom is cancer free.
I'm so thankful that God healed my mom and helped us get through this difficult year, for all of us.
At the same time, i'm keenly aware of all of those who have lost family members and my heart goes out to you if you have.
Keep seeking the Lord.
He is present with you. He has not abandoned you.
It's really ok to be sad, God brings comfort even in the midst of tears.
This world is full of brokenness, and sorrow is a natural reaction, but don't lose heart. God's purposes may be unseen by us, but they are always good.
He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.”Revelation 21:4