Never Enough: Lies we believe

I'm working.

As hard as I can.

I'm trying.

Trying to make something of myself.

I'm struggling.

I'm struggling with thoughts that tell me it's not enough. I work and study and research and write and network and work some more. But it doesn't feel like it's enough.

I take a break, and then I feel the need to work again. I know that productivity will be minimal because of the state of mind I'm in, but it's better then dealing with the guilt of taking a break.

I don't know why I feel this way. I don't know who I'm trying to please. Maybe it's the people around me, I want to show them how successful I can be.

Maybe it's my parents, show them they did a good job raising me.

Maybe it's God, I want him to see me as a good son, doing the best I can, working as hard as I can, then he'll be proud. Then he'll really love me.

I know the Bible says he'll love me despite me, but I don't understand that.

It doesn't make sense to me.

So I'm working.

As hard as I can.

And I'm trying.

Trying to make something of myself.

But I'm struggling.

Struggling to come to terms with the lies that invade my thinking.

My mind tells me to keep going, don't look back. Keep working, one day God finally be proud of you.

But I think it's lying to me.

The more I try, the less I feel like it'll ever be enough. I know God says He'll love me anyway, but that's hard to believe when these lies surround me.

I want to break free from this mentality, but these lies are my shackles, they put me to work. Day in and Day out, they coax me to work harder, then it'll be enough.

Freedom. Yes, freedom from these lies.

Take hold of my soul and purge these crushing weights that hold me down.

I want to be free. I want to work hard for a God who loves me despite me, not to work hard to try to serve these lies that lay in front of me.

These lies say "Work hard then you be fulfilled, try harder and God will love you more, do more, your almost there."

I stare out, wishing to be free, take these lies and leave me be. I want to have joy in serving God, but this burden remains. You'll never be enough, that's what they say, but that's not the lie that they trying to play.

You right, I'm not enough, that statement is true, but these lies make me feel like God is dependent on me.

As if He needs me to do more, so that He can have license to love me.

He doesn't need me, but He wants me.

I can't do enough, but He did it all.

Please heal my wrists from the scars of the shackles. Lift this burden from me life, and set my free.

So I'm believing.

Believing that God can love me.

And I'm asking.

Asking God to set me free, from these lies.

Show me your truth, God. Let me see.

Song of the Week: You Say